The way things used to be

Lately I have been wondering why my life, and the life of every other parent, seems so busy. Was it always this way? When I look at old vintage advertisements or magazines, it seems that life was much more orderly then. Life in general wasn't catered or structured to the children, but rather for the parents. And yet, the children seemed to benefit from having a calm and peaceful home life.

I have taken to asking some of my friends and family why life was simpler back then. Here are their thoughts.

1. Both parents didn't have a vehicle. The family shared one vehicle, so you couldn't do as much running around then and the children had to be more independent when it came to going to sports activities or to friends houses. They simply rode their own bikes or walked.

2. Money was tight. Today we have more money per household, even after accounting for inflation, then ever before. And less of our money today is spent on essentials than in the past. Food is produced cheaper and so are clothes. While housing is quite expensive in many parts of the country, it still leaves us with much more money for non-essentials than in the past. Simply put, there is more money left over for us to spend on "things".

3. Only one parent worked. With one parent home full time, it was possible to have a clean house, the pantry full, food on the table and occasionally, even the lawn mowed. All of this could be done during the week. Although, from my own experience and the experiences of my stay at home friends, life in this age is hectic enough just with laundry, daily meal prep and in some cases, home-schooling, so weekends still end up being busy with errands and various chores, even with a stay at home parent.

My husband and I have recently switched roles. Now he is a part-time stay at home dad and a part time student, working on his Master's thesis and I am back to working full-time. What I have noticed in the last three weeks since switching from part-time to full-time work, is that my weekends are very busy just taking care of the essentials, like grocery shopping and errand running. A birthday party or BBQ with friends is a welcome respite, but then, oops...my laundry didn't get done. The list of things to do in a short weekend is very big when both parents work. My hubby and I are still working out what chores need to get done during the week with him being home and what chores get saved for the weekend with both of us there.

4. Parental involvement was less...and so was the guilt. It wasn't an issue about feeling guilty if you didn't sign your child up for every class or activity or sport available to the community. Kids played on their own and with friends. They had more down time instead of structured time. Occasionally they signed up for little league, but that didn't always mean that the parents were going to drive them there, stay for the game and cheer on the bleachers, wait for the post-game pizza and soda feed and then drive them home. Parents were more trusting of their kids and the world and kids could ride to the park on their bike and play the game with their friends. Parents weren't as worried about being involved in every aspect of their kids lives or worried about self-esteem issues if they didn't appear involved enough. But this lack of parental involvement, or rather, parent-structuring, led to an increase in self awareness and confidence building in the kids. Also,while parents didn't take as active of a role in structuring their children's social life then, they were also home more. This provided children with a gradual transition from childhood to adulthood as kids could go out into the world more freely, but then come home to the comfort and guidance of the parent that was waiting for them at home. It all balanced out.

5. Kids and parents did with less. I probably don't need to say another word, but I will. Kids today, mine included, have every toy they could possibly want. Christmas time and birthdays are not occasions where kids get one toy from their parents or grandparents, but 5 or 10 toys. Even the kids attending the birthday party come home with toys. Their bedrooms are overflowing so that many even have toy rooms. Parents have bigger versions of toys: SUV's, Plasma TV's, laptops, Kitchenaid Mixers with seven different attachments, DVD players for their vehicles, cell phones with cameras, digital camcorders, digital cameras, four-wheelers for the adults and hot pink four wheelers for the toddlers, and two car garages to store the toys, not the cars. Consumerism is the norm. We buy for entertainment, for amusement and for no reason at all.

Yes, we adults like our toys too. Just look at the way homes are being built today. Master suites take up as much room as two bedrooms combined. In some cases, the built in closet could double as a small bedroom. People seem rather shocked today when they hear that our house is about 1400 square feet, with 4 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. If you looked at a 1400 square foot home today, it would probably be on one level with a two car garage and have 2-3 bedrooms. The master suites are enormous because, frankly, most parents could use a refuge. I don't know about you, but for us, the bigger the bedroom means the bigger the mess. Small works for us, but only when we remember not to try to live a 2400 square foot life in a 1400 square foot home.

I may be oversimplifying life back then, but then, maybe we can learn a little from our parents and grandparents about calming our crazy life down. Many of them also went through very turbulent times, both socially and economically. One of the ways this was expressed was through the colonial revival movement in the 1930's and 1940's. The artwork from this era depicts an idealistic lifestyle with simple folkart and cozy home settings. I am interested in this movement from an artistic viewpoint as it shows our parents and grandparents longing for a simple life also. I welcome your comments on this post.